Sweetness in the swelter...

It's coming on Summer,
the season of swelter
and I want to open wide to the wonder
and  s---l----o----w this life on down,
going all fluid and free and fascinated,
to live out my art in vivid color
and drink in thanks from every ripe moment.

I want to wander in the mountains with my camera
and hear again the owl in the woods,
to find some new swimming holes
and dance by the light of the moon,

to dab coppertone behind my ears
and munch cilantro plenty from the soil,
to resuscitate my relationship with the local library
and write a good answer to give
when people say what I "should,"

I want to linger longer outside on summer nights
and get over the bugs,
because you can't have one without the other,
and embrace the storms
and paint my toes turquoise
and get more scars,

to fill my arms with farmer's market goodness
for fresh salsa
and cobblers
and to remember how all I need is already here,
to re-purpose, refurbish and restore
what I didn't notice before,
and when I feel empty
to fill up on thanks
and wear the coolest cotton dresses.

I want to let Summer love me,
to take in the sweetness
and not wish it away in the waiting
for gentler times to come,
to take each shot of courage as it comes
and not miss a moment of living
in all the surviving

and,  yes,  I will love you,  Summertime.


  (Summer here in the South can pound pretty hard on me
while I work outdoors;  my business designing , building and tending gardens
keeps me often doing hard labor and hot flashing in the swelter.
We had a rare cool Spring but the beautiful balmy easy-to-breathe air
has gone all Summertime this week
and I'm swimming in peanut butter while I adjust;

love and light to you,  wherever you are)

Heaven

Once I had a conversation with a co-worker about Heaven. The question wasn't about the existence of Heaven, but about whether or not it is a place and therefore should be capitalized, like the name of a city, or whether it was an idea, not unlike a political idea - like democracy.

It was an existential conversation and an intellectual one - you know, the kind that you sit around and talk about how to save the world but not really saving the world.

Today though, I'm going to capitalize the "H" in Heaven because just last weekend, I lost my mother-in-law. Death makes one think of what's beyond this life, at least it does me. I also think that death is all about the living, how we deal with the passing, how we miss the person, how we wonder what kind of difference our own lives make in the lives of others.

Her passing made me think of generational living. One thing I've learned through my walk through this life, is that there's the reality of our lives today, but legacy living means knowing our lives will contribute to future generations. It's what puts value in our existence, why else would we be here? I looked around the room during her funeral at her children, her grandchildren, and her great grandchildren. I couldn't help but wonder about my own life. What would I have taught my own children? Did I make a real and eternal difference with my life?

And I also thought about my desk drawer. If I die tomorrow, and someone had to clean that out - well, I was embarrassed by the messiness. I really did think that.

My mom-in-law lived a good life. She raised four children, all of whom she was proud and bragged to anyone who will listen that all of them graduated college. She had her share of sadness and strife, she was twice widowed and raised my husband, the youngest, on her own. I know it was hard and lonely at times, I've heard it said by her in a voice that was matter-of-fact but yet had a undercurrent of sadness. At the great age of 90, she breathed her last breath and I know that God welcomed her in his arms in that place called Heaven and said, "Well done, my child, well done."

And I do the only thing I know to do when there is nothing else I can do. I pray.

Amen.

A Family History Mystery

For a number of years I have been interested in Genealogy and in researching my family history.  I have amassed I lot of information regarding my various family threads. 

One of the threads that I am particularly interested in is my maternal grandmother’s family but that thread seems to have reached a dead end (at least for now). This branch of my family tree is especially difficult to investigate because both her parents died when she was very young so there is little information known about them.

My grandmother was born in 1903 and her father died of Brights Disease (now known as Nephritis) in 1916 when she was only 13.  Her mother had died a few years earlier in 1908 in unfortunate circumstances at St. Mary’s Hospital Manchester. St. Mary’s was the hospital specialising in diseases of women and children.  My great grandmother’s death certificate states:

“Misadventure whilst under chloroform properly and skillfully administered and undergoing a necessary surgical operation at St Mary’s Hospital on 7th December 1908. Certificate received from Ernest A Gibson Coroner for Manchester. Inquest held 10 December 1908.”

My great grandmother’s mother was thought to be Irish and a Catholic and her father a Protestant.  The difference in religious denominations meant that their families would have nothing to do with them after the marriage, although the marriage certificate shows names of family members. My grandmother had memories of servants and trips out to Sunday tea in a pony and trap. This makes it sound like they were wealthy, but my great grandfather’s occupations (book keeper, clerk, law stationer’s assistant) indicate otherwise. The 1901 census shows that my grandmother’s mother was born in Manchester and her father was born in Dublin, which is the opposite of what was originally thought.

Each document I track down for the family has a different address listed for them, making the threads even more difficult to tie up. When I checked out the birth indices I was unable to locate any of my grandmother’s siblings apart from one who died aged five. As more and more indices come on line, it becomes easier to look things up. Every now and then I find a little gem and the jigsaw slowly builds up.

I need to find time to do a little more digging around and to check the 1911 census and hopefully tease out some more puzzle pieces to unravel some more of the mystery…