Friday
Apr232010
Real Men Squat
April 23, 2010 * * * * * Posted by: guest blogger 
Firstly, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Marcie Scudder for the invitation to be a guest blogger, and contribute to this wonderful site. It's quite an honour. I thought I'd write this short essay using lots of humour and wit, but changed my mind because what I have to say isn't funny. So, on with the show...
I've had the incredible experience of living in a household of women most of my adult life. I have two daughters and no sons, and I don't regret that for a minute. Over the years, I've learned many life lessons about what it means to be male and a husband.
When I got married, I was a mirror image of my father: chauvinistic,domineering, and insensitive, among many other male stereotypes. I never cooked, cleaned, did laundry, or any of the other domestic chores traditionally laboured over by women. My wonderful wife worked as many hours as myself at her day job. She came home just as exhausted as I, yet she prepared a hot meal from scratch, cleaned the dishes afterwards, did the laundry, and cleaned up the mess I left in the bathroom, while I did whatever guys do. Only then, did she have a few minutes to relax before retiring for the night. I never gave it a second thought, and could never understand why she was always tired, and why I would get "I'm very tired," when I made romantic advances.
What an affront to my maleness!
When we started our own business, she continued to slave at her own job, take care of the girls, look after the household, as well as the additional duty of maintaining the books for the company. She never complained. Ever. Then it happened. Her day started just like every other day. In the shower, she did her self breast examination and found a 1cm lump. Our lives were turned upside down, and I found myself alone, with two little girls to care for, while she spent thirteen-weeks at a cancer treatment centre, three-hundred odd miles away. She drove home on Fridays, with a sore, burning, and swollen breast, to spend the weekend on household duties, only to drive back Monday morning, totally spent. My parents helped out a lot during theweek, and if it wasn't for them, I think I'd have gone Looney Toons.
My epiphany didn't happen in a flash of blinding light. It was a gradual and slow realization that I had, in reality, contributed nothing to maintaining the household and I was a big part of the reason my wife was growing old before her time. Now in my old age, I look back in regret at how insensitive, uncaring, and dismissive of a woman's lot in life I'd been. I acted pretty much the same way most males of my generation perceived their position in marriage.
A few of the important things I've learned, over the years, about being a good companion and husband:
- Women are not put on the earth to cater to our every whim and desire.
- It's not an affront to masculinity to pick up after ourselves or take over some of the daily household chores.
- We don't NEED those large, ugly stereo speakers, or that noisy muscle car. We only WANT them.
- Making dinner, even if only canned soup and soda crackers, goes a long way.
- Our children need our attention, and their mother needs time to be herself.
- We don't need to be with the guys every free minute. They will always be there, if they're true friends.
- Our wives should not be referred to by insensitive labels. It's derogatory, cruel, and hurtful when we call her the old lady, the battle axe, the millstone, the ball and chain, etc., etc.
And finally -
- Over-spray happens. Nobody should have to clean up the disgusting mess we leave around the toilet, because we refuse to squat when taking a piss.
I'd like to say I've become the perfect husband, but I have yet to earn that honorific. I've still so much to learn, even after forty-years of marriage.
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Special guest post today by Robert Bonnell of Birdwalking. Thank you for joining us here today, Robert, and for your wonderful story and image.
Reader Comments (14)
Your story brought both tears to my eyes..and a big lighthearted smile at the end. What a beautiful tribute to your wife..and women in general. Thank-you for joining us today!!!
A wonderful story, poignant and rich in the real stuff of life. I think our generation has evolved through the old fashioned thinking of our parents and while it may not have been easy, it is progress. Thanks for sharing yours...
Thank you for sharing your story. Beautiful and heartfelt. Thank you.
You sound like a wonderful man. I am married to a generous partner who shares completely the joys of our marriage, the day to day work of home and marriage and in our burdens. I know how lucky I am, but I also know that we share this partnership because we talk, talk, talk, an talk some more about what he needs, what I need and what we need together.
Thank you for story. I don't know what to say except... thanks!
The day my father-in-law told my husband that he was a sissy because he also did the ironing and cooked dinner and cleaned the toilets I made such a scene that my mother-in-law referred to it for years to come, by telling a spiced up version on every appropriate occasion she could find, usually starting with:'Do you know my daughter in law? She got my husband to iron his own shirts and he can cook an egg now too. Wanna know how?..... etc. '
I think your generation of men has made the biggest leap forward in emancipation Robert. So sorry it had to be such an awful hard lesson to learn. Is your wife alright now?? Many more happy years to both of you, and thank you very much for your lovely story!!!
Hehehehe...I started out smiling, then frowning, then busted out laughing. Actually, my husband read this post first today. He texted me to say I should read it right away. It's the kind of man he is and it sounds like it's the kind of man you are. Best to your wife and bravo to you. Thanks for the smile, and the frown, and the laugh.
Actually, I started tearing up at the Hello part and have ended up almost sobbing, Robert. I need to pay attention to where that's coming from but it's mainly that I weep for all the women everywhere who do not have "awakened" husbands/partners. You have so eloquently shared your own transformation. Thank you. I weep for all the other women who can't or don't stand up for themselves. We need men like you to go before us to be the Voice in the Wilderness, declaring the Way of Lord! I love the image that goes with this post because you couldn't have said it better: real men DO squat!
Hi Robert,
I couldn't resist a title like that! Had to come over and see what it was all about, and enjoyed reading you. I was afraid, after you said it was sad, that there would not be a happy ending to this story, but there definitely is. Remarkable and admirable that you changed your attitude so completely - and your honesty is wonderful. Don't regret the past...it doesn't do any good.
i have tears streaming down my face!! this is so beautiful and tender... and filled with truth.
hi five to you!
Such a beautiful story, Robert. What a big change you were put in front of. A change for a better you. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on squatting men! :)
A wonderful story, Robert. Thank you for joining us and sharing your experience with us this weekend. It's wonderful to know that old dogs can learn new tricks...so to speak. :) I hope your wife is back to 100% good health so you can enjoy each other's company for many years to come.
What a great tribute to your wife and to women. It shows there is never to late to make new experiences in self discovery. Never to late to change who you are. I hope you and your wife have many more years together.
Thank you for your humorous, but touching look from the male perspective. Living with one's spouse/partner DOES take a great deal of patience, love, and understanding. The roles EACH plays in a reltationship is important. And, I think in today's society the tasks of maintaining a home and family are shared more equally...thank goodness! :)
Thanks for joining us at Vision and Verb!